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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24120706">twin primes</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/4rl/pseuds/4rl'>4rl</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>THE9 (Band), 偶像练习生 | Idol Producer (TV), 青春有你2 | Youth With You 2 (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Canon Compliant, F/F, The Degree of Separation Between Parallel Lines</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 15:28:13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,963</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24120706</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/4rl/pseuds/4rl</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The night before the concept evaluations, the power goes out.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Liu Yuxin/Yu Yan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>38</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>twin primes</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>i seriously wanted to stop writing this fic because i would decide something and then someone would translate lyx confirming it, so there was like no point in writing it. why do i need to extrapolate anything when she's just saying it!!!</p>
<p>anyway this fic is me pointing at lyxyy sitting beside each other and going 'don't you see! the haptics! the proxemics! the transaxial paralanguage!' seriously it's so embarrassing please look away &gt;&gt;</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p><em> <span class="small">Your hand in my own as long as you leave it there. </span> </em> </p>
<p>
  <span class="small">(Letters to Milena, Kafka)</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s like this,” Yuxin says, voice low — her hand over Yu Yan’s. The touch gentle, the skin barely grazing. She keeps her position steady, so Yu Yan can look, can learn. </p>
<p>“Like this,” Yu Yan echoes. Her hand presses over Yuxin’s, until there’s no space left between. Warm and calloused, a mirror of Yuxin’s own. </p>
<p>They meet eyes. No one exhales. For a moment, they’re suspended in time. Positions steady</p>
<p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<p>/</p>
<p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<p>The line between professionals and teammates is a thick one. The line between teammates and friends is a thinner one. The line between friends and — </p>
<p>Yuxin looks to her reflection. She stands to the right, head tilted. On the other side, Yu Yan stretches. Between them, lies the divot where two panels meet — the only break in the illusion of an endless mirror. It’s that one.</p>
<p>Yuxin continues to the next movement, methodically piecing apart the sequence to each individual component. Beside her, the crack of a spine sounds. She’s trained on herself, but every now and then — a flash of red, of black. Her hair, her sleeve, crossing over the line in the mirror. </p>
<p>It’s natural. They’re sharing the space.</p>
<p>Long practices numbs your senses. Like sweat slick over your skin creates a barrier between you and whatever you hold. Everything blurs into one shape. Your body learns to move in a specific way. Your breaths come out like they’re timed. All you see is the shadow of how you’re meant to move; imprints of the future.</p>
<p>Yuxin sees herself run to the edges, taking her place at the far right of the formation. Over the last beats of music, the dull thuds of Yu Yan’s footsteps ring out. Yuxin looks up, lethargic — and finds that they’ve ended up in opposite corners. </p>
<p><em> It’s like I can’t get close to you, </em> a memory says. Yuxin can’t remember who, <em> something is always pushing me away. </em></p>
<p>Yu Yan lifts her head. Sweat drips down her chin, but she doesn’t even bring a hand up to wipe it. “Again?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>/</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Xu Jiaqi is as perfect as she looks. She knocks on the door with a lightness they both miss; and pushes it open carefully, flinching as the hinge creaks. </p>
<p>“Hello,” she says, a small smile settles on her face; her eyes gleam like stars. Having a girl like Jiaqi look at you makes the world stop in it’s turning. “Do you have a minute?”</p>
<p>But the world never stops. Yuxin glances from her to Yu Yan — who shrugs, her face a blank canvas. Yuxin offers her a slow nod, but her smile remains ever-gentle as she steps in. She looks around — maybe recognizes the sight of a practice room after ten hours, and eases her posture. A little late, it occurs to Yuxin that maybe, having two exhausted girls stare you down isn’t the most welcoming sight. She tries to fix that, loosens her shoulders and lets a smile creep onto her face as Jiaqi glances back up — her eyes going wide as she realizes Yuxin had been watching her. </p>
<p>Such a pretty girl in front of her, where else would she look? Yuxin thinks, and like she can tell — Jiaqi smiles a little wider, and looks at Yu Yan.</p>
<p>Her request is simple — and the only thing it could’ve been. Still —</p>
<p>“A haircut?” Yu Yan repeats, the edges of her words straying into irritation. “Isn’t it more convenient to wait until after the performance?”</p>
<p>Jiaqi picks her next words very carefully, fingers playing with themselves until she forces herself to stop. As always, her voice is warm and gentle, quietly prying. “Well, I think we could all use a break, no? And—” Here she glances to the mirror, a strand of hair twirled between her fingers. “—I’m sure they have extensions prepped for me regardless.”</p>
<p>Yu Yan’s expression remains stern, but she nods. “Suit yourself.”</p>
<p>Jiaqi turns to Yuxin as Yu Yan goes to grab her jacket, moves a little closer — reaches out, as if to take her hand. Yuxin offers it. She tugs, and says, “Won’t you come along? Yu Yan doesn’t talk at all when she works, she just stares at the back of my head as if it’s wronged her.”</p>
<p>Yuxin smiles helplessly. “I’m not much for conversation either.” </p>
<p>“Please?” Her eyes are soft, glittering like stars. Once again, helpless. Yuxin acquiesces.</p>
<p>From behind them, Yu Yan snorts. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>/</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Time passes in a circle; Yuxin looks and is at a loss, unable to tell where she started and where she’s ended up. </p>
<p>Talking to Jiaqi feels like a similar ordeal. They sit on plastic chairs in front Yu Yan’s small mirror, where she grabs onto the leg of Yuxin’s seat and pulls her closer until they’re cozy. The smile that reflects back from the mirror is conspiratory. “Would you like to hear some gossip?” </p>
<p>Yuxin would like to sleep — but that, is pointless. Sleep has long felt like a fruitless comfort — like something you buy to make life easier, but find yourself never reaching for it. Yuxin can go to sleep tired, and she’ll wake up tired. And in want for a few more hours. Better, she thinks — glancing back at Jiaqi through the mirror, to not have it at all. </p>
<p>Jiaqi is quiet, but keeps a steady stream of chatter. Mostly about her own team — Yuxin listens to what she says about Xue’er, nods appropriately and is lost on everything else. She doesn’t seem to mind but as soon as she says— “Don’t you think some people were just meant to meet?” —Yuxin understands why. </p>
<p>It catches her by surprise — so much so, that she can’t keep her face blank. Jiaqi’s lips curve, a cat who got the cream. In the sudden silence, the snip of Yu Yan’s scissors fill up much more space — a clear reminder that someone else is present.</p>
<p>Finally, Yuxin says, “Isn’t it a miracle to meet, chance to meet again, and fate if it happens once more?”</p>
<p>“I suppose we’re each on our round of coincidences,” Jiaqi says, a wistful note in her tone. “But, if it truly was a miracle to have met — then wouldn’t you want to hold on them as tightly as possible?”</p>
<p>Yu Yan’s scissors slow, Yuxin idly watching as she stops to sort sections of hair, pinning them back with clips in short, punchy movements. Always brisk, always efficient. </p>
<p>“No,” she answers. “You should allow people to pursue their own paths, even if it’s painful.”</p>
<p>“Introverts like you,” Jiaqi says, as if she’d prepared for this conversation. “Need an extrovert to chase them.”</p>
<p>In the mirror, she smiles once more. Then, as practiced — in a move Yuxin had watched her do twice in a neon t-shirt — she knocks her hand into a bow, and fires a kiss at her, the fingers playing as an arrow shaped into a heart. Just above her head, barely in frame and even then, concealed by wisps of hair — Yu Yan’s mouth is set in a line, the corners indented deep.</p>
<p>Yuxin doesn’t have a response to that. Jiaqi is a fish in water; made to swim, yet endlessly testing the waters, seeing how far she can push. Where, she can push.</p>
<p>“Maybe,” she says, after another minute. “It’s better to be with someone similar to you.”</p>
<p>Again, she curls a hand around Yuxin’s — an action Yuxin easily allows. </p>
<p>“They’ll understand you better, no? Hold what you hold important?”</p>
<p>A tender squeeze. Again, Jiaqi smiles, a gentle, warm thing. Her eyes glitter like stars. Objects so far away they’re nothing but a standard Yuxin sets herself against. You look up at them; you don’t try to touch them. Your hands come up empty, nothing but air between them. </p>
<p>“Maybe,” Yuxin says finally. She adds, “It’s not something that matters to me.”</p>
<p>Yu Yan drops her scissors with a clatter against the desk. “I’m done.” Like she’d been waiting.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>/</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jiaqi doesn’t ask them to walk her back, as much as they insist on it. All three of them hounds for perfection, set on seeing their work complete. She chooses to go back to her dorm, a subtle reminder — for many other girls, practice had long been over. They walk slowly. </p>
<p>It’s Yu Yan Jiaqi chooses to approach this time, a hand curled around her wrist, dragging her a little ahead of Yuxin, soft murmurs passing between them. Yuxin content to trail behind them, carving out a bubble of her own to stay in. </p>
<p>It’s an exercise — each time someone gets close, someone asks a hard question, someone leans into your space as if they wish it were their own — remind yourself of what you want. Remember that it’s none of those things. </p>
<p>Usually what Yuxin wants most, is to be left alone.</p>
<p>Jiaqi turns back to look at her, something like disappointment on her face — but Yuxin is looking at the floor. Yu Yan’s shadow on the linoleum, never wavering.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>/</p>
<p> </p>
<p>At her door, Jiaqi glances between the two of them, says — “You’re a perfect match. Endlessly serious.” — and murmurs a soft goodbye, one last smile aimed their way. </p>
<p>“Endlessly serious,” Yuxin repeats, tilting her head to Yu Yan.</p>
<p>“The no-fun duo,” Yu Yan says. “Sounds about right.” </p>
<p>She turns on her heel and begins to walk, without looking back she calls — “Back to practice?”</p>
<p>Of course, Yuxin agrees. And they start the long trek back down. </p>
<p>Before they even reach the elevators, the lights go out.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>/</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The lights go out, plunging everything into ink. They fall into silence — interrupted by an intercom, a scratchy recording warning them of a power outage, about work to get the generators back online, to be patient. </p>
<p>In the ruffle of their clothes, weight shifted from one foot to the other; insignificant movements that sound loudly in the absence of sight — they agree to keep moving. Yuxin thinks she knows the way, and Yu Yan falls back in step, content to let her lead. </p>
<p>Downa few long hallways, a quick discussion about which staircase was the most efficient, and an extra flight that locks behind them as they leave it — they end up lost. </p>
<p>“Liu-laoshi really knows all,”  is what Yu Yan finally chooses to say. Her tone, as typical, is devoid of warmth or mirth. But her hand reaches out, a small flick against Yuxin’s shoulder. </p>
<p>Yuxin’s apologies are met with a dry snort. She shakes them off, and says — “There’s nothing to do but walk.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>/</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You could’ve helped,” Yuxin says.</p>
<p>“I like to focus on my work.” Yu Yan replies.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>/</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Jiaqi?” Yu Yan asks.</p>
<p>“Friends,” Yuxin answers.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>/</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The speakers sound again. The same announcement.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>/</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why an idol?” Yu Yan asks.</p>
<p>“Why not?” Yuxin replies.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>/</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Again, sorry,” Yuxin says.</p>
<p>“You’re not the worst person to get stuck with,” Yu Yan says. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>/</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The speakers sound again as they turn a corner — but this time, they’re not listening. </p>
<p>“That—” One of them says, they both rush for it. A doorway with the faintest glow streaming out from it. A thin wisp lining the floor. </p>
<p>“Holy fuck,” Yu Yan. </p>
<p>“Thank god.” Yuxin. </p>
<p>When they push through, the lights are out — but the studio glows. Of all the places to end up.</p>
<p>She glances at Yu Yan. Her profile is outlined in a faint blue, she’s smiling now, but it’s such a soft shape, almost blurred. This is the first thing Yuxin sees. She tries very hard to make herself look away. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>/</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The lights are out. Ahead of them, the studio glows — LED strips lining the stairs, the seats, the floor. In front of them, the island where the top nine sit is still alight — the brightest object in a dark room, washing everything else out — soft white light dousing everything near it. It’s all they could want. A visible presentation of their dreams. </p>
<p><em> What do you want to be? </em> This one Yuxin knows, her first manager, a day before he asked her whether she wanted to rap or sing. She chose sing. He told her she’d have to do both. <em> A shining star. To sparkle the most.  </em></p>
<p>She’d been a kid then; didn’t know how heavy those words would be. She’d said it so easily — like blowing seeds off a dandelion. An unweighed wish; a lifetime ahead of her. How could she regret it? The want inside her is so strong now; she’s carried it for so long. An endless hunger that leaves space for nothing else.</p>
<p>For a long time, they do nothing but stare. So silent, as though they’d held their breaths. </p>
<p>There are very few things Yuxin wants. In front of her lies the number one seat. She’s so close to it. She could be so close to it. </p>
<p>She looks to Yu Yan, Yu Yan looks at her. </p>
<p>“Bad luck to touch it,” Yu Yan says. In her voice, the longing is palpable. Just like her, she’s been chasing this for so long. A lifetime really. Two spread between them. Still, she keeps away. </p>
<p>Yu Yan’s control is rigid. A strict, vicious thing that seems more like punishment than choice. When she turns away, it’s like she strips herself of everything — a painful process that sets a line on her mouth, a crease between her brows. Whatever want was there before, has been flailed away.</p>
<p>Yuxin thinks she’s a much gentler picture. The failure to reach is an old friend of hers; she turns away like the darkness behind her is a familiar sight. A worn sweater on a cold day. She sighs as it welcomes her; relaxing into it as it’s her second home. She’s always bound to return here.</p>
<p>“Better not to,” Yuxin says. </p>
<p>For a few minutes, they look at the dark. Shifting in uncertainty; the edges of their figures outlined in white; a slow, persistent temptation. Neither of them turn; but neither of them move. </p>
<p>Yu Yan lets out a long, shuddering breath — her hand shakes, and from the corner of her vision — Yuxin sees something catch light. A string. Hanging in a light ‘u’ connected from her pinky to Yu Yan’s. The ring looped so loose, she can barely feel it. </p>
<p>She flicks it. Like Yu Yan had only just remembered Yuxin was there, she glances over — a rare ripple of surprise over her face. She looks down, sees the same thing Yuxin did. </p>
<p>Just like Yuxin had, she plays with it. </p>
<p>Even when everything is washed in white and blue, the tint turning their faces to odd colours — it’s clear the string is red. They stare at it in silence. </p>
<p>What a strange moment.</p>
<p>Yuxin looks up the same moment Yu Yan does. They consider, twin frowns playing at their mouths. </p>
<p>Even in blue, even half-cast in shadow, even in an empty room with no competition — it’s hard not to think it. What a pretty girl, something treacherous in Yuxin says. You could have everything you want in the space between your fingers. Only a few steps away. </p>
<p>And still — the glow. The light is intoxicating, Yuxin turns to it the same movement Yu Yan does. So quick, like they’d been waiting to. Bodies trained to the dream like a weapon; attuned to grasp it at every chance; honed for the chase, for the allure. How could they look away? How could they want anything else? </p>
<p>The simple answer: they can’t. </p>
<p>The longer answer: Yu Yan says, “Do you think the heavens assigned you to me because they knew I’d be the only one capable of handling the pain of being rejected by Miss Liu?”</p>
<p>“I thought it was because you’re the only one who would reject me back,” Yuxin can look at her and know it’s true. For all she could want Yu Yan, and Yu Yan could want her — it wouldn’t matter. </p>
<p>At this, Yu Yan’s mouth twists into a smile — incomplete, but genuine in parts. “Of course.”</p>
<p>She looks this time, not to the seats — but the stairs — where they used to keep the topmost positions. “It wouldn’t be a jinx to climb, would it?”</p>
<p>“No,” Yuxin answers, she says so honestly. “Let’s treat it as a sign of good-luck.”</p>
<p>It’s with her militaristic training that Yu Yan makes it up so quick. Yuxin follows her to the base to the steps, and looks up. Even from this distance, her face is hard to make out — the lights only show the shifting of her feet. </p>
<p>“Hey!” she calls down — a loud, characteristic yell that makes her jump. “It’s a miracle we met.”</p>
<p>Yuxin nods, then unsure if she can see — tugs at the string. </p>
<p>“Liu Yuxin,” Yu Yan says, voice gentler now. She holds the words to her chest like a promise; like this is a debt she will repay. The string shimmers between them. “Let’s meet in the next life.” </p>
<p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<p>/</p>
<p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<p>“Second and third,” Yu Yan says. She walks beside Yuxin — if only for a moment. “Then, first and second.”</p>
<p>When Yuxin glances at her, she’s smiling. A gentle, bright thing. She thinks of hands fluttering around her wrist, a layer of cotton separating them. Inches of space between them now as they both face forward. Second and third; first and second. </p>
<p>Maybe that’s how it’s meant to be; always a degree of separation between them. The closest they can get is —</p>
<p>“Let’s keep it that way,” Yu Yan says. She’s looking ahead, past the doorway where the stage is washed in bright light. The set of her mouth is, as it always is, a determined frown. </p>
<p>“First and second,” Yuxin agrees. Lets herself fall back, Yu Yan pressing forward as if they hadn’t spoken at all. A miracle of a meeting.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em> <span class="small"> Hands are unbearably beautiful. They hold onto things. They let things go.</span> </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span class="small">(Selected Poems, Ruefle)</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>
  <span class="small"><b>twin primes:</b> "pairs of prime numbers that are close to each other, almost neighbors, but between them there is always an even number that prevents them from truly touching."<br/>&gt;1&amp;3 are twin primes :)</span>
</p>
<p>why is kiki in this fic you ask? WELL, ao3 user vastlight wrote <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24083950">yy/xjq</a>, which STEP ONE of my 4-step plan. i have written yy/lyx, if you're reading this please write lyx/xjq fic, so then I can write lyx/yy/xjq. this has been a heartfelt request♡</p></blockquote></div></div>
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